well i only have a month of school left and then its summer time and im about freaking out. also i am broke off my ass right now with literally 90$ in my bank account so i have to get a job fast because i cant really afford to eat right now let alone pay my rent... but i dont know where to work and im picky and scared and nervous bc i havent had a job in a year. also this is my first summer away from knox away from home away from everything! im so scared! i dont know what it will be like, i hope i dont sink into some strange depression, that is actually my biggest fear of the summer. Im such a baby for change, i freak out before like omg its coming i freak out when it happens like omg its happening!! and then i freak out after bc im like wow everything is so different now. I hate that im like that bc life=change!!!!
im still dating that loser of a bastard that i love. dear dear mathew. I love the man, he is so sexy, i love the fuck him, i love to smoke with him, i love to laugh with him! he is my secret lover but its soooo hard for me to connect him to reality bc he lives 2 hrs away!!! and has been to cs ONCE! he knows like none of my friends and its like i have two seperate worlds and im so sick of it! god im so over him living with his parents not having a car or lisence. what a LOSER. but i love him? thats retarted. lifes retarted.
on the bright side, tonight im going to a RATATAT concert. okay truth is i dont really know who they are haha i just know it is electronic music and im praying all of my prayers that its kind of like a rave! im gonna dancy and be stoned!! oh yea and look ADORABLE!!! good times are ahead this evening --- please observe pictures when they are posted on facebook.
i am having trouble staying away from gary, he is like this really inviting comforatble couch that i really just want to lay on bc it makes my life so easy and i feel so safe and down to earth like nothing could ever happen to me. DUH bc id be sitting on a couch! and i dont want to sit on a couch the rest of my life. i dunno thats a really bad analogy but... yea it sort of works on like one level maybe.
other exciting news.... none really. im hungry. really damn hungry and i cant afford me any food :(. also life is boring and i feel like im not doing anything that really even matters. oh the age old existentialism, how ive missed you. love to anyone who reads this blog, i pray its only julie and nat, possibly ben. and if there is some strange stranger out there reading this then i am sorry that you are bored right now. and if we are meant to be soul mates please let me know.
<3
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