in limbo

blaaaaahhh oh no its happening again. i thought that i was done with the two boy drama. i broke things off with gary and exclusively dated mathew this semester. it was all going really well until these past two weeks. since im out of school ive spent this whole time in austin with mathew and we went to cs together for two nights and it was all lovely. but now im realizing im bored. im so over him not having a job or a car. and im so over that the answer to all my questions is half assed bullshit. blah he is so clueless. and to complicate matters (or maybe this is what sprung the dissatisfaction with matt) gary still has feelings for me and took the time to tell me. so here i am all confused again. gary is so accomplished and kind and generous. he is thoughtful and sensitive to the point of annoying but i mean what kind of fault is that. and he loves me so unconditionally. my mom said to me that a love like garys is something most people dont find. and thats true. help me. i hate being 20. i hate being uncertain. i hate it!!!!!!!! my brain is going crazy on me. boys :(

but yay i got a 1500$ scholarship! that means i am 750$ away from having all my tuition paid! YAY!

ALSO im seeing julie today for lunch and im sooooooooooooooooo happy!

also im still confused about my love life. and happy bc kyle will be staying in cs this summer. no jkr!