im in my last week of school eeekk!! i am working on getting a job at johnny carinos as a server. tomorrow is my 2nd interview so i think that means they want to hire me.
right now im missing mathew more than anything :( he has been so extremely sweet and loving lately i couldnt ask for more in a lover. however he is soooo poor. and also bad with money. i scrimp and save so that i have money for gas to drive home and see him. meanwhile he buys fastfood several times a week and a carton of ciggs and usually an eighth (60$$$ weed). what the fuck!! sometimes he tries to help me with gas but really im just annoyed at how he spends his money. he needs to learn to save and hold back and finish building his damn car!!! i try to tell myself that im not in charge of his life but now that we are starting to be a bigger part in each others lives im like okay matty boy grow up now :) learn how money works baby!
another issue: i seem to have a crush on my dealer gabe and apparently he has a crush on me! i heard this from another friend whom i beleive is a very reliable source. we have hung out alone and it was cute and all but im not sure if im that physically attracted to him but there is just something about him. ive never really had an interest in anyone like him before so its new and strange. i hope nothing comes of it. just a lovely crush and lots of green!!
good news: i realized that my savings account no longer has a minimum balance so that 200$ that was in there just became available!! and ive been thinking i deserve a treat so i might buy a hundred dollar swim suit from victoria secret. i know!!! its expensive but its so lovely and purple and i want it and its on sale from 150 so maybe its meant to be!! also im getting a job so i will no longer be broke.
also i bought groceries today so im sooo happy. food is a luxury :) i cant wait to make money!! put the cash in my pocket omg i hope i like waitressing!!!!!!!!!!!!
:) advice is always welcome. miss you both.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
summer is scary
well i only have a month of school left and then its summer time and im about freaking out. also i am broke off my ass right now with literally 90$ in my bank account so i have to get a job fast because i cant really afford to eat right now let alone pay my rent... but i dont know where to work and im picky and scared and nervous bc i havent had a job in a year. also this is my first summer away from knox away from home away from everything! im so scared! i dont know what it will be like, i hope i dont sink into some strange depression, that is actually my biggest fear of the summer. Im such a baby for change, i freak out before like omg its coming i freak out when it happens like omg its happening!! and then i freak out after bc im like wow everything is so different now. I hate that im like that bc life=change!!!!
im still dating that loser of a bastard that i love. dear dear mathew. I love the man, he is so sexy, i love the fuck him, i love to smoke with him, i love to laugh with him! he is my secret lover but its soooo hard for me to connect him to reality bc he lives 2 hrs away!!! and has been to cs ONCE! he knows like none of my friends and its like i have two seperate worlds and im so sick of it! god im so over him living with his parents not having a car or lisence. what a LOSER. but i love him? thats retarted. lifes retarted.
on the bright side, tonight im going to a RATATAT concert. okay truth is i dont really know who they are haha i just know it is electronic music and im praying all of my prayers that its kind of like a rave! im gonna dancy and be stoned!! oh yea and look ADORABLE!!! good times are ahead this evening --- please observe pictures when they are posted on facebook.
i am having trouble staying away from gary, he is like this really inviting comforatble couch that i really just want to lay on bc it makes my life so easy and i feel so safe and down to earth like nothing could ever happen to me. DUH bc id be sitting on a couch! and i dont want to sit on a couch the rest of my life. i dunno thats a really bad analogy but... yea it sort of works on like one level maybe.
other exciting news.... none really. im hungry. really damn hungry and i cant afford me any food :(. also life is boring and i feel like im not doing anything that really even matters. oh the age old existentialism, how ive missed you. love to anyone who reads this blog, i pray its only julie and nat, possibly ben. and if there is some strange stranger out there reading this then i am sorry that you are bored right now. and if we are meant to be soul mates please let me know.
<3
im still dating that loser of a bastard that i love. dear dear mathew. I love the man, he is so sexy, i love the fuck him, i love to smoke with him, i love to laugh with him! he is my secret lover but its soooo hard for me to connect him to reality bc he lives 2 hrs away!!! and has been to cs ONCE! he knows like none of my friends and its like i have two seperate worlds and im so sick of it! god im so over him living with his parents not having a car or lisence. what a LOSER. but i love him? thats retarted. lifes retarted.
on the bright side, tonight im going to a RATATAT concert. okay truth is i dont really know who they are haha i just know it is electronic music and im praying all of my prayers that its kind of like a rave! im gonna dancy and be stoned!! oh yea and look ADORABLE!!! good times are ahead this evening --- please observe pictures when they are posted on facebook.
i am having trouble staying away from gary, he is like this really inviting comforatble couch that i really just want to lay on bc it makes my life so easy and i feel so safe and down to earth like nothing could ever happen to me. DUH bc id be sitting on a couch! and i dont want to sit on a couch the rest of my life. i dunno thats a really bad analogy but... yea it sort of works on like one level maybe.
other exciting news.... none really. im hungry. really damn hungry and i cant afford me any food :(. also life is boring and i feel like im not doing anything that really even matters. oh the age old existentialism, how ive missed you. love to anyone who reads this blog, i pray its only julie and nat, possibly ben. and if there is some strange stranger out there reading this then i am sorry that you are bored right now. and if we are meant to be soul mates please let me know.
<3
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