20 = being a big girl

today is my bday!! im feeling sad that i am no longer a teenager but im also very happy to be in my twenties. i feel like it suits me. ive been very comfortable with each year i get older, i feel prepared and excited, i hope this cycle continues so that when i turn 35 i wont freak the fuck out bc thats old!!! its kind of sad that im not doing any thing for my birthday. matt is in austin (oh yea we are back together hahaha and he said i love you FINALLY) and taylor and scott are in dallas for a britney spears concert and so that leaves me in cs by my lonesome. but its actaully all good because i have a g (julie a g is a gram of WEED) and tons of hmwrk to do and a cake to bake so it works!

i need a job really freaking soon because i am so broke i cant even really afford to eat right now soo... i am jealous of all the stupid little freshman at A&M with mealplans and aggie bucks bc they can afford lunch :(. also i love post secret. julie i hope you can come visit me over the summer sometime, ill return the favor!!

any job ideas?!?!?!?!?

trust in the universe <3

so matt broke up with me. i cried for like a day and then went to my fitness training class and during it i realized that i had completely forgotten about it! i also watched this video about the best way to deal with a break up that this gay guy 'davey wavey' made and it was amazing! it helped me so much. he talked about how every relationship ends whether by break up divorce or death and that you shouldnt gauge a relationship by the amount of time you were in it but by what you learned about yourself and how youve grown. i realized matt changed my life, in fact he kind of saved my life!! he rescued me from becoming another brainwashed middle class white girl, he introduced me to drugs which opened my world to acceptance love experimentation acceptance and just plain dealing. he redifined my reality and for that i will always be thankful. although im handling this break up exceptionally well i am still very frustrated with mathew. see i know that he is making a mistake haha. basically i think he only wants a break and i wouldnt be surprised if one day we got back together when he has a car. maybe him and i just think differently but for me i know i love matt and i want to be with him through the hard times too but he is different and just wants a break. i dont know if i will want to get back together with him when that day comes but for now im really trying to accept what i cant change. its hard but im so very proud of myself for handling this so maturely. i havent run to gary. although some of my friends have been pretty fucking unhelpful (kendall, whitney) i am coming through it stronger and more independant with more self love!! also i met my tall sexy neighbor today and i now have a crush so that helps everything.
i still dont know what to do with school or my life or anything but living a day at a time isnt so bad. i decided to stay in cs over the summer and im excited!! it will be my first summer alone not a jkr and not at home. im going to work and party and possibly take a few classes. wish me luck! love you julie and i missssses you.